We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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