You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
