Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
