WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
