im six kinds of drunk right now
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
