The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
