FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
