I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
