well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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