i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
