I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize