They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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