omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
