i just wanna soil my oats bro
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
