Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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