Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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