just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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