I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
