I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
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i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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