It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
