I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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