My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
