Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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