was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
