no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
