So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
