I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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