oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
this will be a night to untag.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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