sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
