sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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