guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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