can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
