i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
