Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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