Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
