i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
