Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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