Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
