If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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