Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
