This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
