i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
