There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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