All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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