our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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