yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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