You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
