Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
