god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
