I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
