he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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