Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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