You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
