I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
