I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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