I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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