is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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