I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
