we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
