so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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