all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
