So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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