No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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