And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
