is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
