Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
