I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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